


Bowl You Over

by MyApogee



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-01-19
Packaged: 2019-03-06 19:52:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13418463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyApogee/pseuds/MyApogee
Summary: Rufioh takes up bowling and finds himself face to face with some nasty reigning champs.Humanstuck. College-aged.This is meant to be Rufioh as in "Young Summoner" not Rufioh as in Rufioh Rufioh as we met in comic. But all the characters sorta ended up being a mix of their ancestor/dancestor selves so whatever. I'll use dancestor names and tags for simplicity's sake.





	1. Mild Turkey

**Author's Note:**

> I have way more planned as this is obviously just an intro atm, but I don't have a schedule or anything. Just wanna get stuff out in order to help me push along. I will also update the summary/tags/ratings etc as I go since I'm not sure how NSFW I'm gonna make it yet.  
> Red text means the line is being said in Japanese.

     “I play Mild Turkey, in defense mode.”

     “Oh my god, these fucking pendulum monsters. As if Yu-Gi-Oh wasn’t motherfucking complicated enough without them.”

     “I’m not using it because it’s a pendulum card, it just has pretty good defense.”

     Damara rolls her eyes and turns to the fridge to grab another beer.

     Kankri leans across the table to take a better look at your card. He sits back with a bit of a huff.

     “I’m surprised, Rufioh,” he says. “I know you love having animal cards in your deck, but you do realize that one is a _cooked_ turkey, correct? It’s quite deceased.”

     “... Yeah, I know that,” you tell him. “It’s cool, it’s still an animal card far as I care. You… do know I’m not, like, vegetarian or anything, right?”

     “I’m honestly still not sure why you aren’t, to be perfectly frank. Many animal lovers choose to make the change, it seems fitting enough for you. It has a good deal of health benefits as well. You might try it.”

     “Are _you_ a vegetarian?”

     “Well, no, but-”

     “Then let me like animals,” you say. “Summoning them in battle, petting them irl, _and_ eating them off my plate.”

     “Urgh.” Kankri cringes at the way you finish that sentence with a smirk.

     “You can’t change him, Mom Jeans. My boy loves eating meat too much to stop. And who can blame him?” Damara licks her lips with a loud slurping sound, laughs, and chugs her drink.

     “I don’t think I want to know what she said,” Kankri frowns.

     “She says steak and stuff taste good, that’s all,” you lie. “Goes well with beer.”

     “I wouldn’t know,” Kankri says, finally playing a card. Face down, in defense. “I don’t drink alcohol.”

     “We know.”

     Kankri plays a trap card on his side of the field and ends his turn. Damara rests her elbow on your shoulder, using you to support her weight. She has the beer in that hand and uses her other hand to point at your Mild Turkey card. Her finger follows the words of its description as she reads with a heavy accent:

     “The taste of victory will bowl you over.” She squints. “Is there a pun in there or is it just stupid?”

     “I guess it’s kind of a play on words with ‘taste of victory’, but it’s not, like, clever or anything,” you tell her. “It is bowling, too, but turkey’s don’t do that so that’s really a stretch.”

     “Oh, it is bowling? So it's a _turkey_ pun. Gross. That’s fucking dumb, it can’t hold a bowling ball. I thought the ball-thing was coming _at_ it, like someone was going to mess this bird the fuck up.”

     “Nah, it’s bowling. You can tell because it looks happy, and it wouldn’t be happy if it was about to get hit by a bowling ball.”

     “Bowling doesn’t make you happy. It’s brutal. You should join me some time. See how happy you are by the end of it.”

     You look up at her. “I didn’t know you bowled.”

     “Is she inviting you to Scratch’s Alley?” Kankri butts in. “Because if so, I suggest you decline. That place is unsanitary, the crowd is unscrupulous, the owner is uncaring, and the reigning champ will take you out back and beat you within an inch of your life if she doesn’t like you.”

     “Wow Kankri, exaggerate a little more why don’t you?” You laugh at how ridiculous that sounds.

     “He’s telling the truth,” Damara says. She moves off you and sits on the table, nearly toppling over your deck. “Only Fork Fuck doesn’t beat you up herself. Usually. She has her henchmen do it. Because she’s a pussy. You in? We need a fourth teammate if we wanna take her on.”

     “I don’t know if a sport I’ve never played is really worth my _life_ , Damara.”

     “Fucking do it, bitch. Cocksucker. Asshole. Motherfu-”

     “Fine! Fine. I’ll give it a _try_ .” You despell Kankri’s trap card and decide which monster you want to have attack his face down card. “Clearly, it’s important to you, so I’ll _try._ But I’m telling you, I’ve never bowled before.”

     “That’s only half important. Getting on Fork Fuck’s good side is more important. Just be you. Maybe she’ll like that. Or be someone else. Maybe she’d like that better. Fuck if I know.”

     

 


	2. Scratch's Alley

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We arrive at the bowling alley and start meeting our key players.

    Scratch's Alley is way more pristine than Kankri made it sound. Unsanitary? Yeah right. The place is decked out like a green and white mansion. There are grandfather clocks (a lot of clocks, actually), pool tables, a felt carpet. Heck, the front hallway has a _chandelier_. This is a place for rich people, right? Damara doesn't expect you to pay for this, right? Men in green uniforms and brightly colored hats work the floor, sweeping, carrying trays of food around, and standing outside the bathroom with mints. You're pretty sure that's what that last one is doing. God how could Damara stand a place like this? You'd think she'd tear it apart. If anyone around heard (and understood) her cursing, they'd probably kick her out.

    "Ah, welcome Damara. You have finally brought the fourth guest. I knew you would."

    A very average looking white bald dude stands behind the front counter, poised like a butler. He smiles at you warmly, and by warmly you mean it kinda freaks you out but _he'd_ probably consider it a nice, friendly smile. He extends a hand out to you. Before you can shake it, he flips his wrist and produces a card from his sleeve.

    "First time guests get a special deal," the man says. "If you're lucky, that is."

    You take the card warily. It's a scratch card with a bunch of cue balls on it. On the counter, you scratch them with your finger nail and win your first three games free.

    "An excellent draw, Mr.Nitram," the man says.

    "... I didn't tell you my name."

    "Lovely little Damara told me." He smiles and he really needs to stop. Damara seems just as anxious around this guy as you are and practically shoves you over to the shoe counter. A guy wearing a yellow hat and with a #9 patch stitched unto his shirt takes your shoe size.

    "That guy seems awfully chummy with you," you say, looking up at Damara. A waiter comes by and gives her a can of soda. You didn't see her order it so apparently she's one hell of a regular here.

    "I had to live with him for a few years. Long story, dumb story. Pedo fuck. Glad to be rid of him," she says after a sip of soda. "But I like bowling. I clean the toilets in the morning and get unlimited games in exchange. And the crew treat me like royalty, which is fucking lit."

    “Awww yeah, that curve was gnarly! Did anyone else see that? _Please_ tell me you saw that!”

    As you’re given your bowling shoes, you turn and really _see_ the lanes for the first time. There are about a dozen of them, all really well kept and shiny. Only a couple are in use right now. One has a couple of women at it and is the source of the cry for attention.

    “Hey, Buns! Buns! Was that sick or what?” One of them cries out, waving to Damara. She has a psychodelic color scheme, tight leggings, and bright red sunglasses.

    “I didn’t fucking see it.” Damara says back.

    “Haha, yeah it was! Thanks, Buns!” The girl high fives her nerdy looking friend (okay, that’s unfair of you, you’re geeky enough. But this girl just looks like a librarian so it’s different) and grabs a drink. Clearly, she doesn’t understand Japanese.

    Damara leads you down to them. The nerdy girl introduces herself as Aranea and her friend as Latula. Within seconds of meeting her you can tell that Aranea likes to talk a lot. Without asking, you learn that she and Latula knew each other as children and were bitter rivals at the time because they started out as close friends but then Latula through a plush dragon in Aranea’s face and Aranea shot back by spreading a nasty rumor that got all the children mad at her and yadda yadda yadda… your attention is drawn away to another bowler. A few lanes down, a very large man with burly hair stands poised. A bowling ball atop his fingers is held just below eye level as he glares down the lane. One mechanical step, then a slow arching one like a ballerina. His arms move gracefully, slow and calculated. The ball escapes his finger tips and lands on the runway like a plane. Okay, planes can land a lot of ways. Like, a really good plane piloted by someone with a lot of experience. Yeah. Not one of those shitty tin can planes and then oh wow that was a strike. The ball hits just a little left of the center and the pins are topple over flawlessly. The man exhales.

    “Tight Lips,” Damara says, whispering it into your ear. She says it from behind you, standing super close, and puts her hands on your shoulders to stop you from jumping when you realize how close she is. “He is the muscle for Fork Fuck. If either of them don’t like you, he will grab the back of your head and slam it into a brick wall. Again and again.”

    A breath of air wisps out of your lips and softly carries the following words with it… “That’s kinda hot.”

    Damara snickers. Tight Lips meets your gaze for a moment as he turns to grab the next ball. You blush and look away. Damara laughs even more and punches you in the arm.

 


End file.
